Photos by Julia Iris 2005
Ran across this photo archive on my computer from September 2005. This is probably some of the best captured moments of experiences that I’ve had in a very long time. It’s funny how I don’t even remember anyone taking pictures that day, and you can tell that neither one of us even realized that we were being photographed. That’s probably what makes them glow.
This was literally the second time I had met JL in these photos, and I although our two-year experience didn’t quite end up how we both anticipated – I look back to this and I can literally feel the air in that room that evening. The open windows behind us, my one beer bottle on the ledge. All things that were perfectly going into motion.
We are destined to meet people, engage with people, and pick up things that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. And I don’t believe in ‘destiny’, I believe shit just happens. Stars fall and people collide. Our lives move along and pick up fingerprints from relationships, friendships and even brief encounters. And although they slip off the tongue with ease at times, I feel the penetrating impact when I sit and look back at all the encounters that have drifted in and out of my life.
There really is no guarantee that anyone, anywhere, will stay by your side forever – even if they skywrite it one thousand times. Life doesn’t hand out story book endings often. But life sometimes throws you a few strawberry moments. Those times that just stick with you, linger in your head and always make you say “what if”. Or maybe they just make you marvel when you look back at pictures and say “yeah my life feels a little bit better that this person was in it”. Even if it were only a small part of time, in the big picture of happenings.
Some people will never get to find that giddy feeling that launches you to a place very far away. Some people will not get to feel the intensity of when they are together in a room full of people – it feels like there is no one else there. Some will never look back at a lost love and go, wow – looking at it now, it looks like it really was ‘lightning in a bottle’ (and perhaps it was). And even more true some will never get the chance to change, take that huge leap and grab ahold of the things that they want out of their life, finally allowing themselves to be willfully, and fully entangled in it all.
I fall a lot. I crash a lot. I’ve lost more times than I have won. But I am very lucky for a few things that have landed in my lap. Sometimes they tend to claw at my eyes, pull at my face and make me have one too many drinks. But they always continue to rally me deep inside my chest. They make my heart sing a bit louder, and remind me that doors are always in motion, opening and closing.
To feel that mindless wonder of not caring about anything else on the planet for just that one moment. It’s a phenomenal thing. A thing that has taken from me countless nights sleep time and time again. But still, in all its ebbs and flows, all its wrecks and fires, it still can grip on to the hind side of your mind all the way down your road. And that’s something that I very much understand the worth of.
“The past is just a story we tell ourselves.”
― Spike Jonze, Her