I remember what it felt like for the roots to pull out of the ground. I remember what it effectively meant when someones face lit up for the first time. I know how important it becomes to trust in an idea that you hope and live with daily. That there is reason to any kind of fleeting whirlwind of behavior. But really there is not. It becomes rogue. And even though you may scribble notes to keep in your pocket as a reminder of what you are walking from – it’s just not ever enough. I grieve often enough for things that happened ten years ago, just as much as I grieve for something that struck two days ago. In my projection its really all the same. The same rewritten monologue rebooted for your new-found ambitions, and willingness to try again. You smirk, you fall off, and shy away darling – but be sure and check the liner notes to the soundtrack you play in your head. You’ll find it. It makes the run fast, and forces that run far.
I’ve seen faces turn from familiar, to people I have never even seen before. Shrug it away easy while everyone’s watching (because everyone in that town is), watching in the toxic, abhorrent, behavior they wear. It makes me sick to see and touch the back side of your painting – because it isn’t you at all. Maybe you just never had time to finish it, even if you could. It’s all broken, and I just don’t feel like I am capable of falling anymore. I am broken too.
Nothing is real, nothing is ever what you think it is to be. All eyes in that place are just holes in a dead skin suit that people walk around in. Even as I see you root for it, I see you root yourself into a well. And the people in that well, have tricked themselves into thinking that’s what everyone wants, even as it’s dry. Like tieing rocks to your ankles and reminding yourself that you have to swim.
Its deaf, sickening and dark – and five years from now you will find something that actually made it out, and then finally understand the clarity in the coals. Because I see it, it’s penetrating, and fierce. And you were always worth more than that to me. More than that place, and every type that broods there. But hey, what do I know…