Some people are just shit.

Learn to recognize garbage.

A lot of personalities bother me, some more than others – but controlling, obsessive, manipulators are by far at the top of the social trash that I absolutely detest. Just a few notes on the following that inspired the comic above, it’s not in jest or crassness – it’s serious profound emotional abuse. Run from this. Always. 

Note 1366
Oh the “you know how I get when I’m angry” type – passive aggressive / nice one minute and standoffish the next, keeping you guessing and playing on your fears and insecurities. The extremely aggressive and vicious, resorting to personal attacks and criticism (‘you deserve this‘), dogged in pursuit of getting what they want. They bully and threaten, and won’t let up or let go until you dissolve down.

Note 1370
Manipulators prey on sensibilities, emotional sensitivity, and especially the conscientiousness. They know they have a good chance of roping you into a relationship because you are a kind, feeling, caring person, and of course – because you want to help.

They may cater to your goodness and heart at first, often praising you for the wonderful person you are. But over time, praise of these qualities will be minimized because you are being used in the service of someone who really doesn’t care about you. They really just care about what you can do for them (or how you can make them feel).

Note 1375
Manipulative people do not understand boundaries. They are relentless in the pursuit of what they want and have little regard for who gets hurt along the way. They usually have plenty of social media ‘on tap’ to justify their persona so that they can always provide proof (mainly to themselves) of ‘how awesome of a person they are‘.

It’s a consuming of your space – physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. They lack understanding about what personal identity means. Feeding off of someone, while tearing them down is depleting, exhausting, weakening, and demeaning.

Note 1371
Read people by their actions. Remember, what a person says and does are two very different things. Watch closely – what you see is what you get. And if you listen around just a bit, you’ll probably realize that your gut feeling is usually spot on. Note that.

When someone displays threatening, degrading traits alongside piles of forced emotions (even when saying ‘how much they do love you’) – In my experience I have  found it’s hard to uncover any redeeming qualities. No matter how you interpret it, because I fully understand that sometimes the wires run deep, you should easily spend your efforts on better things. No-one is fucking worth that.

A fucking empty room would still deliver much more good to your head than a person like that ever could. Recognize it. 

They prey on your best qualities.

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Is that a stain on your shirt? No it’s just you.

Note 1325
I wish I could put my hand in my bowl of life disasters and hold one up in the air and say “hey I’m glad I got to experience this”. As in – ‘what we go through now, molds us into what we become’. I get it. I understand all of that, in theory it’s plausible. It’s just how many nails do you have to pry out of your limbs and face, over and over again to finally feel like your place in life is hanging where it needs to be.

Everyone falls, everyone fails. Perfection is just not how we are built. Inside or out. It’s knowing when your life begins to turn toxic that you have to decide what to distance yourself from, how soon, and how far.

There are a lot of gutless people out there. A lot of weakness and lies waiting to be served. And an even more amount of half-truths that people have to wake up next to every single fucking day. And why, why even fucking do it. Let’s manipulate and coerce so we can ultimately take over the love that we want. If that love deserves to be there, then you will find it there. The moment you demand it, is the moment that it is already gone.

I don’t understand. And I have no sympathy for certain behavior. I don’t expect to place myself around it, or tolerate it ever again.

 

“Until you’ve lost everything, you’ll never be able to truly love anything.” 

 

 

Your art looks very different from this angle.

.38 Special HP // Minolta SRT

I lack any sympathy for an artist whose creative center revolves around manipulation and malice. Be worrisome of the empathy and compassion you share, because when you hear someone speak and they believe no ones listening – you are apt to see what their head is made of.

I’ve seen enough people fall and never get back up. I’ve seen enough damage never get repaired because of the marks that toxic actions leave behind. Be mindful of how you speak and how you behave, especially when it involves what you think “would be love”.

It means not having to think.

I told myself today that if I have learned anything in thirty years of dealing with relationships it is that one day there will eventually come a happening that will spin you off your rails and decisively change you forever. It’s something that will shake your walls hard enough that every future decision you make, will pivot off of this one event. In most situations I have rallied through, it’s hard for me to believe that someone really understands the concept of loving until they have honestly ruined it themselves. Like how can I know how something works unless I tear it all apart and dissect it, to learn whats inside. It’s until you realize, and have this conversation with yourself – looking back, and saying out loud “what the fuck was I thinking?” and “what the fuck I have done?“. It’s really until you feel the ramifications and finality of your decisions spiderweb on, to digest that sense of losing a vital part of what had become of your life, I’m not so sure I trust so easily in hearing anyone say “I love you“. I’m not saying someone can’t ‘love’ someone at all. I’m saying that in time, the meaning of that word will change for them. It’s the person on the other end of that ‘love’, the receiving vessel, that I choose to challenge and warn.

Loving someone just doesn’t mean caring, understanding, and being able to bathe in a sense of well-being. It means being able to be kind, caring and understanding even when you don’t feel good. It’s un selfishness. It’s compassion and being able to feel grief in someone elses voice, it’s positively supporting the bonds when you know someone could fall apart. It’s being a mess and feeling deathly vulnerable, it’s to feel safe even when you are feeling ugly and destroyed. It’s you being there in their face even when maybe you “don’t understand”.

It’s hard, it’s all very tiring in my head. It’s like every day you are adding soft clay to a binding wire structure. Pieces fall off, some crumble and just wont stick. Some get twisted in overlapping fingerprints. Some never get smooth. Somedays you just have to chop off an entire fucking side because things are not shaping into what you want them to be. And that one piece of copper wire just keeps finding its way through, no matter how much medium you press against it. Days of piling shit on and grabbing clay everyday and pulling pieces off over and over again until one day you wake up and realize what? That you no longer have any more god damned clay to add-on when you need to just get by. Because one side of the relationship did what? They stopped. Because one side chose to no longer be there. Or maybe they walked off. Or didn’t answer the phone that day, or maybe they just woke up and something changed in them. Good or bad or whatever. When that clay is not there, all of that (your) support dissolves. Because you know for fucks sake every day needs you to be a part of that clay and what it holds together. If you want anything real, anything worth waking up to, anything just worth a second of your fucking time in the world – then you need that substance to be there.

Love or not, I just don’t bend like I use to – I know loss well enough. If you’ve lost it then ‘know why’. If you’ve never lost it then I say ‘prepare yourself’. And if you want to hold on to it – I say ‘make your choices smart’, smart like maybe that love that feels fantastic right now, might not be there tomorrow.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you” often translates into : “I don’t want to hurt you and then for you to find out about it”.

Insert reign here.

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Note 1311
The air is thick this month. As usual it’s a flood of everything at once. Like film going in fast forward then slowing down at half speed. It’s the grain along the sides of the frame that remind you again of things that slip like razors underneath your skin. They are just there. I miss the cold beach.

Note 1314
I’m okay with a quiet, dark, arctic rest of the year. I’m tired of the waves. Consistency is king when you are tying the sutures. It’s the keystone of the arch. And we all know that, so let’s just keep our feet in the water. Ok.

Note 1320
Just give me a year of no spinning disasters. And a photo of that. Thanks.

“The thing with broken clocks is you can always tell exactly when they stopped ticking. With people, it isn’t so easy and sometimes you can’t even tell they’re broken.” – Anonymous