Last year my horoscope read : “In 2017 you will achieve things that you have never attained in your life that were absolutely deserving.”
If I don’t land anything bigger this year than I will go ahead and credit tying for 1st place in the “Best Performing Punk Band 2016-17” category at the Austin Music Awards to being just that. Well deserved. Humbling as it is, indeed – I marvel at the fact that we got to say “fuck” about seven times upon receiving the award in front of 3000 people at the Moody Theatre that houses Austin City Limits Live during SXSW.
I’ve spent 30 years playing music, discarding to the wayside what most take for granted as a “normal personal life”, playing literally hundreds of shows in 18 months at a time, traveling across Texas and beyond crammed into a van that you hope makes it home at 5am so you can get ‘real rest’. To those stormy times when you had to use your last bit of energy to keep your knees from buckling on stage while finishing the last 3 songs when your body was well done and exhausted, well 4 songs ago. You just do it. You fight as much as you can, relentless as you can. You hold on to every one that supports you, to the fans, to your many brother and sister bands, to your merch team / band member wranglers, to the close personal people you love that weather out ‘the missing you’ when you are afar, when inside you know that you wish that you could ‘just be nearer’.
It’s those liner notes that no one gets to read, the names that people skip past and the faces that blur into the crowded dark venues that make you understand the blood and grit first hand at how taxing all this can be. I’ve sat kneeling, breathing heavily, sweating, counting how many times I have to ring myself in the head to just revel that this is what I am wired to do.
And thankful yes. Honored yes. Knowing that I may never see something like this in my life again, yes. When the party is over, and the doors are locked down, something has to matter in your head – and I am glad that occasionally the ‘fire’ of the fight is recognized, because it fucking damn well should be.
Thanks again Austin.