It feels good to miss you for the best reasons. I tend to analyze the output and the direction of feelings that you can’t control. Some hugely obtuse and even some finite. I enjoy broadcasting strong emotions in bursts to watch them land. I want to see them soar off over the horizon and wait for the others to bounce off that narrow eye. I like to long for the good things. I like those missing connections that I know I will soon find comfort in again. It creates a warm hearth that can be constantly kindled into a rare, penetrating heat. They are building stones that you should definitely procure, and make sure they have their places – so that when the time comes, they are readily able to find their momentum that they so deserve.
I don’t like thinking about certain ‘missings’ as the result of loneliness. It’s not so real. They rapidly spiral into a series of hoodwinked thoughts. They turn what you ‘thought’ you needed into what bleeds a dark obsession of what you ‘thought’ you had. You are not missing what was there, you are merely missing what you believed you wanted. It’s like how concrete turns to sand. Once that contained substance, now no longer has its strength. My chest doesnt crave the enduring of that, what would become a feeding will soon fell a drowning.
So I breathe in the swells, as they come. I hold them in and allow them to imprint and to flourish. These are the things you want to remember. Because as that tide ebbs and flows, back and forth, you will find yourself falling into that shallow well. A well that towers prying overhead. You may be able to breathe for now, but you know the tide soon arrives. The hearth that you have been tending, all of those words that you stapled to your skin, you will need every ember of that to keep you above. You will need every subtle emotion to lead you to that next rung.
It binds and burns at the same time. It lifts and leads on to places you feel you have never been. It’s desire and an ending all enfolded into one. It’s what turns the familiar into the unfamiliar.
“I look at the stars, in all their beauty and grace, and I still like you more.” – Jakob Dakota Sauer
“What I admire most about you – the bloodiness of your heart” – Margaret Atwood