Kill the words falling.

Maria-Rubinke_web20

I fucking hate this place..

It’s like throwing yourself into a car window at 80. You will come out with a mouth full of glass. And your options are a) swallow that glass, which will in time cut you deep enough to bleed you dead or b) you cough and spit that broken glass up. Which will also really wreck your life. It will leave marks and broken parts all across the floor. You will be able to see that disaster for what it was. I don’t have the time to let things kill me anymore. Maybe you do, but I don’t.

And 20 years later you would think that someone gets you. Finally. I mean I get it with people half my age, I get it. It is what it is, and as a very active musician they are everywhere. And yet you would think being wired for loyalty would attract like minds.

Never let your guard down. It really doesn’t matter. 20 years, 20 days, 20 minutes. 20 Arms flailing at you wrapped in razor wire are much easier to deal with than being forced to digest much worse things. That undeniable change that were rocks hailing against the rattling pane. You fucking knew.

I have dealt with a ton of shit in life. I’ve been thrown the shit stick my share of times. We all have. Life doesn’t owe you anything. And people are bred into their own self-destructive patterns that will spin things out of control into your court. And you choose whether or not to play a role in that part that follows.

Coming off 38 days sick and I’m fucking tired.

You want it. You got it. You fucking wear it.

Disaster Later / Disasterbater

I spent a time, a long long time
To make me think there was something left in me
A waste of time, in my head
Slowly rotting heart is the one that wins the game

We are nothing
There is nothing left inside – disaster later
We are nothing
There is nothing to decide – disasterbater

I won’t look back, to what you said
Doesn’t matter now I can’t see straight anymore
The red bird died, it died today
Rotting vines left inside all torn away

We are nothing
There is nothing left inside – disaster later
We are nothing
There is nothing to decide – disasterbater

I used to think, we had a place
Kill the words falling as they stack upon the floor
I know I’m wrong, I see your face
Gut clenched inside as I hear the closing door
I won’t look back, to what you said
Doesn’t matter now I can’t see straight anymore
The red bird dies, it dies today
Rotting vines left inside all torn away

Scott Free / Worm Suicide 2016

 

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