So there was this apartment that a women I dated lived in for a while. Not in the best part of town, not under the best circumstances either but it was a place to live during a short transition period. Very small, very dark and I remember it always being cold. I don’t even think there was much on the walls, except for the black comforter I think that was mine that draped stapled over the bedroom window. It’s weird that this place, and the things that went on there have always been embedded in my brain. I don’t recall anything bad ever going on then between us, or even in what we each had going on in our separate lives.
What I do remember is that, and the odd thing mostly – is without any external superfluities, no excesses of anything that can really get in (because there was literally no room, physically or otherwise) you are forced to open up a distance in your head. And through this distance, sometimes you can find a connection with someone that overpowers everything in the outer world. It’s that connection that I believe long-lasting, deep relationships are built on. When the world pushes in tight up against your shoulders, and you can’t see or feel anything but what you have to, when you can disappear into a feeling of ‘this is all that really matters’, that moment, that feeling is a seed for something undiscovered and greater than what we are put here to understand.
I can’t explain why some things stand out more than others and how the bad things that happen can ultimately ruin tons of memories for me. But the very few spots that even though seem minute, find ways to nurture future events that can lead to a better, fuller life. Why these things linger around I can’t begin to understand. Why when you push them as far back as you can (even with anger and bitterness) they somehow find their bouyancy to again resurface at a later day.
It’s these lingering connections that I believe are road guides, leading you to the next part of what you are expected to become (whether they are with the person who bred them or not), we have to try to somehow find light in them.
And I really do hate this day, and not because of what it means. Not because of all the people out there making their dinner reservations and secret getaways, gift wrapping and flower delivering and all that comes with that. It’s when I see and hear the words like “oh this is just another day, we don’t do stuff like that anymore” and “well you know, it’s just not that way between us now”. It’s those things that mangle me on the inside. That really, I see you have no idea what I am taking about in the paragraphs above, or could even relate to it by far. I’m not talking about fairytale endings (since we know that doesn’t exist), I am talking about real human strong intimacy that can last for years between people who live miles apart and who may not even speak to one another anymore.
How can something like that live on under dire conditions, and in some – it not even be a breath of air with the person that they stand and lay next to every night?
Maybe I am crazy, and maybe I am a fool. But I have experienced things that were real, even if they were just signs pointing me towards what comes next. To you, is it really “just another day?”. I hope that for me, it’s never “just another day”. Even if I hate it, it will always be more than that.
This is my first song published to iTunes, you can download the song by clicking the link here. Thanks.