I wish my hard drive would crash

Wrapped up this song last week, and although I’m not totally pleased with the final piece and seriously debated on just scratching the whole thing – I figured I’d just go ahead and get it up here.

Holidays just make me sorta sick on the inside which is where this bit of writing came from. I’m not really great at singing this type of music, and I try to mask it as much as I can, the best I can with the technology that I have – but anyhow it is what it is, and it says it the way it would have been said.

Sometimes it’s best to delete all those old photos, old emails and old everything. Even though 90% of people save that stuff, as sort of a safety zone to go back there and relive, or re envision things that happened in the past. When it comes down to it, the more you value it – the more destructive it is. If you don’t care then is doesn’t matter, but when you do still care – you may as well hurl yourself on top of a bunch of knives. And knowing that, those knives will yield wounds that will heal – things like this sometimes won’t ever go away. I’ll take a bed of nails any day. I don’t mean that cynically, I just mean it’s disheartening the way somethings turn out.

In fact just writing about this is not really healthy in any way, now it seems that even getting it out just inflates the fact of how much of an awful connection I’ve created with certain things that it’s really a dive off a ledge with no net or something to break the fall. You just keep falling.

So merry holidays to all of you, and don’t take for granted any time that you should have said what you needed to say to someone you loved. The reality of it is, even though it may or may not make a difference to them, you said it. And that difference to you, and your well-being and getting through it – is integral to coming to peace with terms that are no longer in your control.

Waking up face down on the floor sucks ass. Years of waking up that way just sucks even more.

“…I’d unplug that damn thing, but it’s just my head on repeat.”


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