I guess it really is that very first time when she puts her hand on your lower back that you know that someone has entered your life that will ultimately change it for the good or for the bad. Had things like that been easily ignored, than people would get much more sleep, much more done, and spend much less time wondering if what she said, ‘was what she really meant’.
It’s those times that make that difference. Those details separate the ones that are living (or lived), from the ones that wished they could be living now. It’s not just the fact of having a void that needs to be filled, but rather discovering a connection with intimacy that sews itself into your conscious and well-being. Whether it’s something that plants itself next to you to be enjoyed for now or for ten years from now, it is none the less something that can adhere to you forever.
Once in a while, you may even catch yourself on a high tide and get that flash of something, or someone new. And for a moment that flash whites out any ill regard on what you currently may be going through. Even if it is just a moment passing, or a smile, or a glance. When it does trigger a lost emotion, that synapse should be noted.
Sometimes we have to live day-to-day on these minor flashings. I could thrive on that first look for as long as I could receive it. And by no means of being a fault in me, because we are what we are and we will always think what we think – I myself am not dazzled by anyone so easily. Maybe it’s with the growing old, or growing older, some things just seem a little more transparent than others in people to me now. And not on their fault either, it’s just like oil and water.
When you have run through that fire before, you tend to be attracted to it. Like a moth I suppose. And it ends up being that burning light that guides souls. Usually lost souls. Or ones that just have not found there place, just yet. When all one has is that fire and that desire to be near it, you really would be a fool to not follow that chance when ever given it.
I would rather spend eons alone than spend an hour with someone who made me miserable. I would rather live to be 50 with someone I couldn’t live without, than live to be 80 with someone I couldn’t live with.
“Is there some place we could go
and use each other in the dark
I’ve got so much to get off
I’ve got so much no one wants”