Finis vitae sed non amoris


“Each of us is aware he’s a material being, subject to the laws of physiology and physics, and that the strength of all our emotions combined cannot counteract those laws. It can only hate them. The eternal belief of lovers and poets in the power of love which is more enduring than death, the finis vitae sed non amoris that has pursued us through the centuries is a lie. But this lie is not ridiculous, it’s simply futile.”
― Stanisław Lem, Solaris

‘CoNTrol’ & Design 2014

As I write music I also work with visual designs usually at the same time. It helps me round out ideas, and give more depth to anything I set to publish. Sound is only one-dimensional so in order for myself  to achieve  the level of emphasis that I think any great story deserves (real or fiction) – eyes and ears are required to write out their own interpretations as they see due.

Above are a few things I have worked with over 2013-2014, some layout compositions and things I may be using with the current CD ‘CoNTrol’. Mostly a tribute to the aforementioned film of course, and all that comes with that.

“I had no hope. Yet expectation lived on in me, the last thing she had left behind. What further consummations, mockeries, torments did I still anticipate? I had no idea as I abided in the unshaken belief that the time of cruel wonders was not yet over.”
― Stanisław Lem, Solaris

One for Marnie.

Almost always when I write lately the music stems exclusively from an acoustic guitar piece first, then It becomes translated into louder electric or distorted sound. So when I am working on laying down tracks that are more aggressive, the original bearing of the music when it was written becomes lost and or turned into something else. In all actuality the original just doesn’t exist anymore, when you start doing overdubs along with adding drums etc. Usually weeks after I have put down ten or so tracks of the song I will go back and pick up the acoustic guitar and re experience the medley the way it came out, most often very simple and very quiet.

This song ‘Stars And Floors’ I wrote about a month ago, mostly finished it up for the record ‘CoNTrol’, and have yet to have the album version published for the fact I wanted to finish the collection of songs before I share them. I was sitting in my living room re playing the song as it appeared in my head and decided to set up some gear and just see what rolled. It’s weird that sometimes just going and recording something, with very little planning on what it could turn into seems scary, but occasionally you would be surprised at how the ‘un structured, just do it’ mentally can actually produce. I’ve spent weeks on songs that I was really never happy with, and can go and lunge into a song and blast out 6 tracks at 5am under no sleep, hung over, or wired on red bull and be mostly content with never re touching it at all. I guess it’s the energy, maybe unbridled, or the fight or flight for me that just has to get it out right then and there, so that I can finally rest.

It’s capturing that, that becomes rare – and I wish I could do it every time. Maybe I’d be a better artist then, or maybe that’s really asking too much.

This version of ‘Stars And Floors’ was done in about 5 takes, 4 tracks – 2 guitars and 2 vocals recorded with just one SM58. Simple, clean, and no flash – just bash.


OS 1.1

HER MOVIE Alt Poster 2014

HER MOVIE Alt Poster 2014

Was doing some writing research last week and I ran across a site that had some alternative movie posters for the film HER. I was quite amazed at some of the ideas that were put together by these artists so I decided to build one myself.

The movie is fantastic, probably will be my favorite brain candy of 2014, and maybe even beyond that. It was good to see a story with many layers that really unearths the loneliness of a new age. Scarlett Johanasson was the perfect voice for the AI ‘Samantha’, which is why I had to include her lips on the layout.

Trust is nothing, until it catches you.

IMG_3294I guess it’s always going to be a battle, nothing is ever going to come in nature so sensibly easy as things that can arrive in your head. It means nothing to most but yet even the smallest detail can keep me awake at night. It’s those nights that I can imagine the ceiling getting closer to my face by the minute – and I think to myself if everything came crashing down on top of me while I slept, would any of it have ever mattered.

I wrote many things across the sky, I made my outline of life as high up as I could see. I’ve run my fingers across the wires that tie me to the walls of the confining stories that I tell. I picture the end as if walking through a fire that I could never feel, but would always know that damage that it would do. The spiderweb cracks have splintered sideways, and up, and down. The frailty that comes as your finger presses though the bending, broken glass that was always behind me – kind of just standing there. Waiting.

And it all ties me to the end of the day. When I look around, and ask myself  “did I do the best that I could today?” or did I bandage up the things that peel out from under the edges. It’s those things that are like script across your face. The things that I see as clear as day, behind the eyes.

This season was always the dullest for me. I remember the sunshine across the window screen, and the air blowing the curtains alongside my chin as I heartedly tried to figure out what in my mind was going to happen next. Like I was trying to read the cards, and navigate from what I knew was coming, and what was already there from the pins and needles that I pulled out of my eyes. I slid down the walls with my fingertips, and felt the crumbling pieces give below my nails. And I stood there with pictures all over the floor, strewn about, staring back at me – telling me that it was time to excise grudgingly all that I had left clinging to me.

And so I did. I shackled all that was left behind me to my wrists and crawled as far as I could. And I laid there in a shadowy box staring again at the ceiling while I painted the walls in all of the colors that I was not familiar with. It’s those designs that I have to use as a shield to keep myself under everything. Life is  much less complicated with your back against the wall, there for you to see everything in waves coming at you. At least you know what to expect, and can feel the stones upon every part of your flesh at once. As they were a shower that you can close your eyes more easily and wince away from.

But I’d rather walk backwards to the edge of the fall. Blindly. Taking each step in as if it were the last. As trust really is nothing until it catches you. And I take each step thinking that when the time comes, and the footing eventually falls – that it means more to me to have screamed the loudest, while painting the grandest picture of what I saw, in all it’s imperfection that it was. But it’s all that I saw. And how I saw the things I adored through pin hole camera eyes. With every shade of confidence that was there, even when everything frantically nailed to the sides of my confines slipped and fell. As it always does.

Theodore Twombly: I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you.
Samantha: Me too. Now we know how. -HER, 2014

Switch. Push. Fall.


“Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.” – Theodore, HER

Totally dig the alternative sets of film posters I run across. Considering how much I loved this film, this was a no brainer.